THIS. IS. SO. HARD.

2014 has been a big year. I turned 50. My mom turned 95. My son graduated from high school. We just dropped my son off at college this weekend. Our 20th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks. Along with that, I've had my first kidney stone and my first root canal (hopefully the last for both of these, but I'm not turbo confident). My mom has also gotten quite sick and been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. With the good, comes the bad. What a joyous occasion to take your child to college...but it is also a huge adjustment and along with the joy I feel sad and I miss him terribly. I'm really blessed, though. My life has not been hard. 
That said, THIS is hard. This frigging journey with food and exercise is hard! This constant ebb and flow of positive actions and progress that seem to eventually be negated by fear and failure. Why does this have to be so hard?! 
Fortunately, for me, I have a good support group that continues to kindly urge me to do the right thing for my health. You know who you are! All of you have helped make a difference at different times in this bumpy little journey. Looking forward to many great years of friendship with my son is a good motivator to continually strive to be healthier, for sure! Most recently, thank you Jim for leaving me messages that I don't return because I don't want to face the fact that I haven't worked out in weeks and I'm eating with no regard for my health. Thank you, Kerri, for reaching out to me and fitting me into your schedule when you really don't have any time for you. Kerri, I promised you I would write another blog post before I walked back in your door and here it is. It doesn't have much humor in it. It doesn't really have a beginning, middle, end. This is just me writing about how hard this is because I promised you I would. And, in typical Craig fashion, I'm writing this 45 minutes before I meet you this morning. Procrastination, oh good lord, that is a whole other beast.
Everything I've ever read about self-improvement suggests journaling as a positive way to aid progress. I must admit it feels good to dump some of this in words. At some point, I hope to write something that is more fun and funny to read. Maybe funny is not required?

Today, I'm just writing, because this is hard. 

"No, really, I do like lunchroom food!"

"I Like Lunchroom Food"...way too much!

This is a good place to start, right?! The classic early 80's high school annual senior photo with quote. My quote was a bit different. Most of my classmates used quotes like "Nothing is better than a dream, than a dream come true" or "No man grows wise without his share of winters" or the appropriately rural Arkansas flavored "There is only one thing better looking than GMC trucks, but I forgot what it is?!"  My senior quote was "I like lunchroom food" because I liked lunchroom food. I ate in the lunchroom every school day...no exceptions. The administration was hesitant to allow me to use my quote as they thought I was mocking the school's food service program. I was being a bit tongue in cheek, yes, but I was not being dishonest!

The whole "you gonna eat your tots?" and "you want that extra chocolate milk?" approach to eating started in that lunchroom and wouldn't catch up with me for years, but it did. Yes, I'm sure the whole tendency toward compulsive eating started in the "cafetorium" in Rector, Arkansas. Food Obsession 101...it has been a problem most of my adult life.

I'm writing this blog as part of a plan to become a healthier me. I will be 50 in May and I know I won't live a long and full life as an obese, out of shape man. During this recent yucky winter I experienced my first kidney stone and threw my back out badly. I was becoming more sedentary, stiff, tired, and was in the habit of wasting several hours every evening watching tv. I decided to not wait for another health episode to "wake me up."

So, here are the things I've committed to for my own health and to share this journey with others:

• Work with a personal trainer once a week to plan my workouts and nutrition goals and work out 4 days a week on my own. (quick shout out to the incredible Kerri Davis with Fit To You Personal Training)
• Working with Bo Dean and Ashley Miller as member of the Executive Leadership Team for the 2014 Heart Walk. I committed to lose 50 lbs. in time for the Heart Walk on Saturday, October 18th and to share this journey with others. I hope to inspire healthy choices in others.
• Write a blog and share it with the world no matter how much I DON'T WANT TO!
• Lead my office team to raise money for this year's Heart Walk.

Guess it's time to share the HARD data with you. I'm 5'6" tall. I've weighed as much as 265 pounds. I've lost as much as 50 pounds as recently as 2 years ago. Food obsession and compulsion have been a serious issue for me since I was about 27 years old. Moderation has never been my strong suit. Self discipline, not so much. That is how I got here.

When I started this journey on January 16th, I weighed 258 pounds. The first month was hellish as I dealt with an ongoing kidney stone issue and a serious back injury. Kerri helped me stick to the plan and I'm making progress...the right way. Slowly. No fad diet. Pretty much a math thing. Eat this much. Burn this much. Lose weight slowly and gain muscle. The goal here is to become a healthier me.

I'll try to update here with some regularity and share it with more folks as I go. Count on me to inject more humor, too. I want this to sound like me.

I still like lunchroom food.

Craig